Resolve to Write: February 1, 2016


February 1
Things That Keep You Up **At Night**

This prompt is subject to interpretation. Things that keep me up could be about what keeps me from going to bed at night. What keeps me awake. Or it could be about things that keep me motivated, keep me positive and from sinking into the depths of despair.

I'm going to write about things that keep me from sinking into the black hole of depression.

Have you ever felt so low that you didn't care if you lived or died? Not necessarily suicidal, just void of everything?

2015 will stand out as a year that I'm not happy to say goodbye to. It started out okay, average, "normal." Things started to slide around April.

I got interested in the idea of moving. About every five years, I get the itch. I'm such a nomad sometimes. So, I thought I'd maybe put my house on the market, I got an appraisal and started looking at what was out there for sale already. Houses were selling like crazy at the time. I figured I should try to find some place to live before I seriously decided to put mine up for sale. I contacted the Realtor who helped me buy the house I currently lived in. She showed me several places, but I didn't want to get too excited because I still had to sell the house I was in. My Realtor asked if she could show my house, she had someone who might like it... Turns out, not only did they like it, they loved it and wanted it right away. Their financing, appraisal, everything, went off without a hitch. I couldn't have choreographed it better had I tried.

Unfortunately, that put me in a bind. They wanted to close in 30 days and I didn't have a clue where I would live. I just knew that I didn't want to move more than once.

This is where things started to go sideways. I had been pre-approved. I found a townhouse, put in an offer. Offer was accepted. House didn't appraise. The whole time, closing time is ticking away... tick tock tick tock. We came to a mutually acceptable agreement. Was set to close on a certain date. I would close on the sale of my house the same day, and the movers were scheduled to be there to take me from point A to point B.

For some reason which I may never know, the mortgage company couldn't get the closing done in time. I was lucky enough that the house was vacant and she allowed me to take possession without closing. So, I suppose I should thank my lucky stars in that respect. Things had been very stressful. Monumentally stressful. I was supposed to close on May 15th. Didn't get closed until May 21st! The seller's getting pissed because she wants her money and I'm a nervous wreck.

I was ready to breathe a sigh of relief. It was Memorial Day weekend. I loaded the car with my beloved Min Pin Barkley and the two of us made our way north. A four and a half hour trek to my parents house. I hadn't been there very long. In fact, I was in the process of unloading my car when the unimaginable happened. I stepped on my little doggie and broke his back in two places. Paralyzing the back half of his body. We rushed him to an emergency vet clinic but they couldn't do anything to save him. I had to say good-bye to the love of my life. I was absolutely, completely crushed.

I soon adopted another dog, because the idea of being without a 4-legged companion was more than I could bear. He was a rescue and he came with a boatload of problems and issues that I've had to work on diligently. He's coming around and turning into a sweetheart of dog. I shudder to think of what his life had been before coming to live with me.

Then, I was out walking my dog, I tripped over my own two feet -- damn flip-flops -- and face planted the sidewalk. Nothing was broken but my pride. My face was an awful shade of purple to green to yellow for several weeks. I'm sure people thought someone had beat me.

Then, I was out walking my dog and decided to cross the street to avoid another dog coming down the sidewalk. I stepped in a hole, twisted my ankle and sprained it badly. It wasn't broken, but it took a good six weeks before it started feeling better and I was able to get back to my running program.

Running helps keep my mood stabilized and I without it, I felt like every time I turned around something crappy happened. I tried not to subscribe to the cliche of "Everything Happens For a Reason," because frankly, it pisses me off. What possible reason did any of that nasty stuff have to happen to me? And yeah, "This Too Shall Pass," that's a slap in the face. I knew it would pass, but that didn't help me face the here and now.

So, if you've stayed with me so far, thank you for reading. Things that keep me up? I would say running. Physically moving those legs one foot in front of the other. Keep on keeping on, even when things go to hell in a handbasket. I'm better now. I am cautiously optimistic that I won't have to worry about keeping myself up.

Now, if someone would help me shut off at night so I stop staying up far later than I should, then I'll be all set!

** Had I read the COMPLETE sentence associated with #1, I would have known you were referring to what keeps you up at night. Oh well, It was a therapeutic post to write anyway.**

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Lori L. Clark

Lori L. Clark currently resides in Hazelwood, MO with three rescue dogs. When Lori isn't listening to the voices in her head, waiting for the next creative inspiration to strike, she also loves to read, run, paint pet portraits and save dogs. Email Lori at

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